The novel ‘The Lover’ is an autobiographical account of a young girl’s affair with an old man. At first, I found this novel a little absurd as it is something different from what I have read before but then as I read further, it became a little clear as to what the author was trying to convey through the novel. But I, personally feel a little uncomfortable to read about the part when the little white girl describes Helene Lagonelle’s body and expresses her desires towards her as well as the way the older Chinese man and the little white girl used to spend time together in his apartment.
This novel portrayed the various family dynamics of the little girl’s family. From the book, it seems that nobody really liked or hated each other in the family because the children hated their mother but at the same time the little girl expressed concerns as to how she couldn’t make her happy before her death. But their mother really loved them as she used to cover for her son’s doings especially the elder son as he used to steal a lot from her to pay his debts and even supported him financially so that till the time she is alive, he is in good condition. Her only hope was her daughter but I feel that she didn’t really value her daughter’s opinions of not getting a mathematics degree and instead becoming a writer.
I also feel that the way the mother confronted her daughter for going out with the Chinese man was a little extreme as it is really embarrassing and hurtful for the child to get beaten naked by her mother. Though, we s readers can’t really judge anyone in particular for their deeds because I feel that every character in the novel was going through something and it is not right to judge anyone from their outlooks as we do not know what really goes on in people’s personal lives.
Poverty plays a central role in this novel as the little girl’s family and the Chinese man’s father thought that she was with him only because of money, but the man ended up being infatuated with her and eventually fell in love with her. Overall, this book had its own charm as the protagonist of the story went through distinct phases and tragedies of life from being exposed to poverty, encountering her father’s death, getting involved in an affair with the old man, her family not liking her relationship with the man, the old man falling in love with her and not being able to convince his father to accept the girl to her finally leaving Saigon for France.
Discussion Question-
What role does family dynamics play in shaping our personalities as we grow up or how important it is to have stable relationships with our family members for our overall development?
RMST 202 201 
6 responses to “The Lover”
I feel the influence of one’s family is crucial. A person’s personality, morality and values could be heavy depend on what one’s family look like. Of course, not everyone can be lucky enough to be born in a healthy family atmosphere, and the narrator is one of them.
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I think family dynamics play a significant role in shaping our personalities as we grow up. Our interactions with family members, especially parents or caregivers, influence how we learn social norms, values, and behaviours. Also, I think that stable relationships with family members are crucial for our overall development because they provide emotional support and contribute to our sense of identity and belonging.
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Given the role nurture shapes in the personality development of an individual, it is safe to say that family dynamics have a drastic effect in shaping our personalities. After all, our caregivers are the ones who we spend time with the most and copy their values and behaviors. The more stable the family, the more likely one would grow up to be a functional human being. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look to be the case for the protagonist of this week’s novel.
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Having a healthy relationship with one’s parents/guardians is definitely a crucial part in growing up as they become our “role models.” We watch what they do and copy it. We study what they believe in and copy them. We, for most cases, gain our knowledge of the world from them as they shape our personalities and beliefs. However, in some cases, this is not true for some individuals as their situations may not be similar.
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Kritika, I understand why you might have felt uncomfortable and thanks for sharing your thoughts around that! You wrote a very good summary of the reading focusing on different important parts. I’m wondering, since you mentioned the racial and national differences a bit, what you think that the final scene when the two “lovers” reconnect on the phone in France has to say about the racial divide in French Indochina. The realtionship with the mother also plays a very important role, so thanks for mentioning it!
Thanks for your comment!
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I feel like having a good relationship with your parents is important, however it is also very delicate and if something major goes wrong then the relationship can be ruined.
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